I’m not sure why we always need outside or external affirmation of our decisions or actions. But it seems to be human nature that we are drawn to seek validation from others on our choices.
That’s obviously why we always find ourselves consulting with friends and relatives when hard decisions are to be made. Even with smaller decisions too, about where we should holiday, which appliance to buy, what school to send the kids to.
That’s also why we seek specialist advice when contemplating actions outside of our sphere of experience or control. For instance consulting with medical professionals, financial advisers and solicitors on major issues affecting our health, wealth and legal standing. In these cases we’ll sometimes even seek a second opinion to confirm the first…
I know I look for signs that I’m on the right track both before and after a decision is made. For instance, prior to making the decision to leave my position I looked for confirmation and affirmation from a range of sources about my options. I chose to read meaning into some “signs” that helped affirm I was on the right track in my decision to accept my redundancy.
I should also clarify that I sought specialist advice from a financial planner, my superannuation fund and my bank to ensure that we had everything in place to support my decision to proceed – my decision wasn’t all based on intuition alone!
However, it’s strange that after receiving specialist advice, after consulting with family and after “going with my gut,” I’m continuing to look for external affirmation that it was indeed the right choice. Deep down I know it was the right choice but I still crave external validation – even now, nearly two months after my decision was made.
This was brought home to me this week when I returned to my old workplace to celebrate the departure of an ex-colleague who is also taking a redundancy package. Even though my decision to leave is made and is now irreversible, I still unconsciously sought affirmation that it was the right choice. In every interaction I had, I wanted and needed to know that I was indeed better off for the decision I had made.
I talked to my friends and colleagues and gauged their views on the workplace. I saw my old workstation, still as I left it nearly four weeks ago. I heard snippets of conversation, reminding me of the world to which I used to intrinsically belong.
I saw it all as an outsider, suddenly feeling slightly awkward in a environment where I no longer quite belonged.
In some ways it was a relief to walk out the door again, take a deep breath and just be. In that moment I received all the affirmation that I ever needed.
I have indeed made the right decision.
I had no qualms walking out the door again. My brief visit did not make me long to fall headlong back into my old world. I am content now to be a memory, a once was, a past employee.
Personally, that’s all the affirmation that I need right now.
Do you look for affirmation once a decision is made? How do you go about it? And do you have any regrets about choices you have made?
Linking up with Grace, Ann and Bron 🙂
I like to stick with my decisions and not look back though when they are big decisions I always like to know that I have made the right choice and might do a little looking in to it. We recently bought a new home and for a week or two afterwards I kept checking other house prices to make sure we hadn’t over paid, even though there was nothing I could do about it. If we have made informed and considered choices, I think you just need to move on.
Malinda @mybrownpaperpackages recently posted…Modern Mummy Mayhem
Very true Malinda. I did the same after we bought this house even though I knew we had paid a good price and never regretted the purchase for a moment. Unlike the three property purchases before that…we have a history of not always being happy with the decisions we make. I think we need to learn to move on and make the best of it 🙂
I think it’s natural to seek outside affirmation when it’s such an enormous decision! But it sounds like you got the closure you needed from that visit – I have also found that sometimes you do have to go back into a situation to be 100% sure you made the right decision.
Rachel_OurTownBNE recently posted…7 Unexpected things I learned at the Brisbane Good Food & Wine Show
Yep, I agree. Still very happy with my decision although I’m struggling to find a balance with the budget…we’ve been used to dual incomes for so long that old habits are dying hard 😉
Kirsty – I think the visit was probably really timely because you could really gauge how you were feeling down the track with a little bit of time perspective – glad your gut confirmed your right decision.
Kathy recently posted…A life of FIRSTs
Thanks Kathy!
Absolutely what Kathy said. Leaving some time and then going back was a great move to see how you felt. I’m glad to hear you made the right decision. I’m a procrastinator and dither around for ages about any decision so that circumstances almost make up my mind for me in the end. Hope that makes sense!
Pinky Poinker recently posted…A Fly on the Wall in Mrs. Poinker’s Classroom.
I completely understand you Pinky – sometimes circumstance makes the decision for you, rather than you making the decision. In this case a part of me wanted to go on my own terms rather than gradually being moved into positions where I was not going to be happy as part of the restructure. I’m a serial procrastinator and ditherer too so I’m actually quite amazed that I made a decision at all, particularly one of this magnitude!
So glad that you were able to receive the sign that you needed. I am forever on the lookout for signs and most things I do are purely gut based. Sometimes my gut speaks loudly others it is a little more than a whisper. Either way I like to think it is always right. Sending lots of fairy wishes and butterfly kisses your way
Rhianna recently posted…Things I Know About Mobile Phones and Not Having One.
Thanks Rhi! I’ve been following your adventure of a lifetime and am in awe that you are actually out there doing it. Can’t believe it has been 100 days already, though sorry to hear you did not celebrate the milestone with champagne x
In your heart you always knew you had made the right decision and all that advice from planners and things just re-confirmed you were on the right track. Onwards and upwards girl! x
Emily @ Have A Laugh On Me recently posted…My blog is two and to celebrate I’m…
I am one for looking for signs as well. My redundancy wasn’t a choice so it was a pretty clear cut sign I wasn’t meant to be there any more 🙂 and it happened on my birthday so I took that as a further sign that the universe was giving me a present 🙂 Your guts are telling you it is the right thing and it sounds to me like it most certainly is the best decision for you…. one day you will look back and be amazed at how far you have come and where you have gone – good luck!
Shelley@moneymummy recently posted…Surviving Redundancy
I’m sorry you got a redundancy on your birthday – that would have been terribly hard. While I welcomed mine (so it was easier for me to be positive) even if there was no choice in the matter I do think looking at it as an opportunity really is the way to go 🙂
I am terrible at making decisions. Paul and I have even had arguments about where to eat dinner because he wanted me to make a decision. I hate the what if feeling that it leaves me with.
I am glad to hear that you are regretting your decision to take a redundancy. I think it’s normal to seek affirmation, it’s only when seeking it, stops us from moving forward that we run in to trouble.
Tegan recently posted…Letting my mind blossom
Very wise words Tegan – yes, seeking affirmation in this case hasn’t stopped me doing what I want to do but I agree it would have been damaging if I had’ve been riddled with indecision and not able to move forward. You and Paul sound like Nathan and I – we are the worst decision makers in the universe!