I wrote a post last week about how I’ve been struggling with the transition from work to home. I really did underestimate how hard I would find the change. I thought as I had already been working from home on a part-time basis that I would be all set.
Unfortunately that has not been the case. At all.
Last week was a particularly low week. I felt guilty for not achieving any of my goals. I felt bad for not contributing to the household income. I felt like a failure for not getting it together.
Most of all I felt like I had let Nathan and the family down. They were the ones, after all, that were supposed to really benefit from my increased presence at home. But the house was still far from perfect. I was still only scraping through with getting the kids to school in the morning. And I was still on the computer at night, when I was supposed to be relaxing and be more present with my family.
Things came to a head (of sorts) last week. Nathan wasn’t well so he arranged to have a day off so he could go to the doctor to get checked out. He witnessed the chaos of the morning rush to get ready. He saw me flitter from task to task. He could clearly see I was struggling.
After his appointment we decided to go out to our favourite cafe by the lake for lunch. After some inane chatter, he finally got to the point and asked me how I was going. Then it all came out. My guilt. My lack of confidence. My inability to meet goals and complete daily tasks. My growing sense of failure.
He listened to everything that I said. He understood, although it must be difficult for people to understand how I could possibly be struggling when I am living the dream. Staying at home. Not working for anyone. In charge of what I do and how I do it.
He owned that he had been aware of my struggles but he didn’t want to push me. He didn’t want to be the “hard bastard” asking me to justify my day every afternoon. By staying silent he was trying to give me space.
But by doing so it appeared to me that he didn’t care and that it was my battle to fight alone.
So we talked it out. He reassured me that I was not a failure and that he was there to give me support. He said it was going to take time for all of us to adjust to this new reality. He told me he would help me to find order in the chaos.
Then he asked me – what do I REALLY want to do? After some thought, I realised that all I really want to do is to help people. So I’m working on a few things now to help me help you.
I’m still not the most productive work at home person on the planet. But I have already achieved more this week than I did in all of last week. I had a beautiful computer free day with my youngest daughter yesterday. And inspiration and ideas and motivation are again in plentiful supply.
Sometimes all we need is confirmation that others do understand and support us. Affirmation that we are indeed on the right track. Belief that the road may be rocky in front of us but we will not be alone if we stumble along on the journey.
In the end, everyone needs support.
Do you need support with anything at the moment? How are you getting the support that you need?