I’ve been having some rather strange and restless nights lately. Weird and wonderful dreams dance around my brain, making it impossible to sleep soundly. More often than not they revolve around my old workplace and involve various scenarios where I find myself having to be escorted off the premises or have my memories wiped.
Then when I awaken, a sense of unease and discontent follow me throughout the day, making it difficult to stay focused and on task.
After careful consideration I can only come to a single reason for this general state of unsettledness.
I feel guilty for not doing enough in the day even though I am always doing something. I have the kids to get off to school and the pups to take care of and more chores around the house than I can keep up with. And perhaps therein lies part of the problem.
I’m finding it hard to balance the work part of my day with my household responsibilities. Before, when I worked a part of my time at home, it was far easier to separate the two. I had a timesheet to fill in and a manager to work for – that was all the motivation I needed to keep on task and work solidly for five hours each day while blithely ignoring the state of the house.
Now, I don’t have either of those things. Unless you count Nathan, who I do feel accountable to when he asks me how I’ve been each day. No, instead I feel added pressure to keep the house under better control as I am here. Every. Single. Day.
I really am struggling to find a rhythm to my work while also remaining on top of the house. I think I may need to go back to focusing solely on work in school hours and manage the house outside of those hours, like I did before. Except that defeats the purpose of leaving work and having someone here at home.
I’m also struggling to manage two blogs. I’m having less trouble with My Home Truths as it fits me like my own skin – it’s been a part of me for nearly four years now and I instinctively know what I want to write, how I want to write it and how it will be received.
But over here, at Smarter Happier, I still don’t feel entirely comfortable. The answer, of course, is to just start writing – I should come over here first before writing at my own blog, where, by default, everything is more comfortable and familiar. But that’s what we often do, right? Stick with the familiar and eschew what we don’t understand or feel comfortable with?
I don’t have the same understanding of this blog as yet so I am struggling a little for inspiration and ideas. I want this to be a useful space but also to be faithful to me and who I am. I want to help you with your problems but I’m still trying to understand what you want from this space.
I would love your thoughts – what would YOU like from this space? Are you looking for inspiration? Tools? Hints and tips? Personal stories of our struggles trying to find a smarter and happier way of life? Anything else?
BTW – are you struggling at the moment to0?
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