You know those days when one thing doesn’t go right and soon nothing seems to be right? Where one little thing can send the whole house of cards tumbling down around your ears? Where things go horribly out of control and you suddenly look up and find yourself in the middle of a train wreck of your own creation? I had one of those today.
One of those days where one thing didn’t go particularly well and I was soon doubting everything I was doing. Doubting not just the stuff I was doing today, but all over. The big picture stuff. This horrible monster funk of self-doubt and anger and fear grabbed me big time today. Everything I look at seems crap – my effort too poor, my aspirations unachievable, my focus too… out of focus.
As I struggled with all this “stuff” I could feel the tension rise – and there I was. In one of those moods. You know what I’m talking about – where everything you look at is wrong, every sound gets under your skin, and the tiniest disturbance in the Force can make you want to pick up your lightsaber and cause maximum destruction….. Well, you know, one of those days.
It’s a horrible spiral. Bad mood leads to more pessimistic thoughts leads to more grumpy pants. (And my grumpy pants are too tight, which just makes me even more.. you know…)
There’s a storm blustering about us right now so it’s probably not the most opportune time to be tapping away at a keyboard. But I’ve had one of those petty “man-sulks” all afternoon where I’ve “humphed” and grunted and been thoroughly unpleasant, rather than actually say what’s on my mind. It’s only me and this keyboard and the torrential rain.
Sorry for me yet? Me either. I’m working through it, okay?
The storm’s been brewing all day, and if I cast my mind back this funk has probably been sending me texts all weekend, too. A sense of not-being-happy-for-no-particular-reason. A sense of spinning wheels and growing frustration. Like there’s too much to do and not enough time to do it all, so why bother doing any of it.
You know what I mean?
It’s probably time to sit down again and go back over the goals, asses our progress and our strategies, and re-evaluate. I need to make a list of the stuff that’s been bothering me today and work out what’s a legitimate concern and what’s just been icing on today’s cake. We need to re-evaluate not just to make sure we’re on track, but also to give us an opportunity to recognise our successes. To pick out the good bits we have achieved, not just mope about what hasn’t happened yet. I think that’s what I need to do.
But not tonight. Tonight I just need a hug.
Do you ever have days like this? Do you just get on with things anyway? I usually wake up better in the morning – how about you?